Anyway, that’s where our friendship started. And that was another one of those life-altering moments, where my life took a new turn. After a few days of contemplating my options, I actually went back to my foster parents, with more thought-through plans about my future…’ She looked at me once more, her forehead wrinkled, her eyes swimming with questions and answers, it was as if she was trying to think of a way to tell me something, again. ‘You haven’t realized…’ she whispered ‘you haven’t made the connection?’ I shook my head and looked at her, really looked at her again. What was it she’d been telling me that I was supposed to make a connection from? About her friends, the strange ways of life? I went back to the beginning of our talk, quickly going through everything she’d been telling me… and was interrupted by her voice, once more singing that same song she’d sung before, softly but strongly, her sadness still overwhelming me. ‘And the ground below grew colder As they put you. .. wishing it were different." You can't change what's happened, hon."I yawned again. "No. I guess not." You're at a disadvantage, not knowing what a father is. I don't know myself what it means to have one, in the way most people do. But I am a teacher, and I did learn things that helped me. I don't know what I can be to you. I certainly can't replace the people you should have had. But I can teach you... if you promise me something."I rubbed my swollen eyes. "Another promise? Okay. What's the deal?" Promise that you'll accept the fact that you're not stupid, you're not ugly, you're not incompetent. It's just that -- and don't take this the wrong way, hon -- it's just that you have things to learn. Promise you won't beat yourself over the head for what you can't be." Easy for you to say," I told her dryly, and reached up to scratch a pimple under my chin.Martha gently pulled my hand away from my face. "Don't, hon. Don't do that to your face." But it itches," I complained, scratching.
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